Matuska Makes Statement Against "Discrimination"

From wire reports

New York, NY- "Cautiously optimistic" were the words Mark Matuska used in a pre-race interview while lining up to run in the ING New York City Marathon Tune-Up, an 18 mile, three-loop jaunt around Central Park scheduled to serve as a barometer for fitness to complete the main event of November 2nd. "I think I can win- that's why we're all here, isn't it?" he said, smiling, as he waved to identify others preparing to run. "But there are a lot of great competitors in this race. I'll just lace up, do my best, and God willing, things will work out."

Matuska's optimism initially may have seemed misplaced. The Tune-Up attracted over 3,900 runners, some as young as 15 years old while others eclipsing 80. Within that group were several long-distance race veterans expecting to post times well under 2 hours. As if that were not daunting in itself, the conditions facing participants on this morning were less than ideal, with intermittent rain expected and 93% humidity to accompany the higher-than-ideal starting temperature of 67°F. Matuska, however, was characteristically defiant. "I don't worry about conditions. Everybody's got to deal with it."

However, when asked how he expected to compete with all of the seasoned race veterans around him in this, his first long-distance race, Matuska laughed. "Oh, I don't. That guy over there is probably going to lap me midway around the second loop. The wheelchair guys are going to leave us all in the dust. No, I'm just hoping to win my weight class." Upon being informed that there are no weight classes in typical running competitions, Matuska's tone changed from flippant to stern. "Well, I know that. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be. All of those skinny guys up front- they've got an unfair advantage. That girl over there (pointing towards a particularly diminutive female competitor)- I could probably eat her. Answer me this, reporter: Why is it that in boxing or wrestling, they separate the little guys from the big guys? I'll tell you- the big guys would kick the crap out of the little guys. To pit a heavyweight against a flyweight would be absurd.

"But.. what happens when there's a sport in which the little guys have an advantage? Do they even the playing field? No. They let the little guys win. It's discrimination. Racialism. Long-distance running has been begging for a big-boned high-profile athlete to carry the flag for weight class delineation." When asked who that high profile athlete might be, Matuska replied stoically, "I think I can make a difference. Someone has to put their foot down. That foot is me."

When asked to weigh in on the topic of runners' weight classes, Matuska's team member and fellow 200+pound "super-heavyweight" Timothy Petrov simply responded, "Matuska's a retard. And he's going to lose- to me. And he stole my idea."

As it turns out, Petrov was prescient in his prediction. While they ran stride for stride over the first lap, Petrov pulled ahead over the latter half of the race, managing a time of 2:35:40, an 8:38 average mile. Matuska lagged behind with a time of 2:51:10, or a 9:30 mile. Still, Matuska remained upbeat. "He got me today. I battled through some knee tendinitis, but I'm not here to make excuses. Still, I think it was a good result. Five more weeks to the Big Dance. For all I know, I finished second in the super-heavyweight division. And I lapped Bertha McGruder. That's something to build on."

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