October 30, 2008
NEW YORK, New York- On November 2nd, over 39,000 runners will begin a 26.2-mile trek in Staten Island and continue on through all five New York City Boroughs in attempts to complete the 2008 ING New York City Marathon. Some of these are professional racers with realistic chances of winning; others are the semi-competitive "recreational" runners that run for fun and fitness. Still others, though, fit neither of these categories and are running for more personal reasons. Today, we sit down with one of these runners and ask him, a first-time Marathoner, how he feels about the upcoming race.
Barbara Walters: Mark... May I call you Mark?
Mark Matuska: No.
BW: OK. Mr. Matuska, how-
MM: Don't call me that either. Call me... Tooskie.
BW: OK. Tooskie.
MM: Better.
BW: Can you please describe to me your state of mind leading up to this, your first attempt at running a marathon? I mean, by even your own account, you're not a runner.
MM: Attempt? Who said this is an attempt?
BW: I merely meant-
MM: I know what you meant. Listen- I'm going to finish this race. It may not be pretty. There may be bodies strewn about the course, there may be blood on my shirt, there may be vomiting, diarrhea, uncontrollable dry-heaving, gnashing of teeth, screams of despair, spontaneous urination, blistering skin, chafing, gouged eyes, bloody nipples, and perhaps a white milky discharge. But I will finish.
BW: So you're confident going in?
MM: Confident? Hell no. I'm a mess. Everything I anticipated could go wrong has gone wrong. Both of my knees have given me trouble through training. I've been dealing with a cold the past few days. Every joint in my body creaks. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I'd hoped I'd be at this stage. After my 18-mile tune-up, I thought I could break four hours. Now, it could be days.
BW: You know, they make you stop after a certain amount of time.
MM: Do they? That's un-American. Those Commies won't be pulling me off the course.
BW: I see.
MM: Do you? Do you see?
BW: Moving on... You mentioned your training. What have you been doing to prepare yourself for this race?
MM: Well, Barb, I started on a 16-week program. I'd been running about four times a week during the first 13 weeks of training, maxing out at about 35 miles over the most strenuous seven days. Since then, though, my chronically achy right knee has been giving me some more acute troubles, so I've been toning down the impact workouts and working more toward cross training and getting it healthy. I've also been keeping a blog-slash-diary of my progress, and comparing miles run to drinks consumed. I've also been reminiscing about the 1980's.
BW: Is that a typical training program?
MM: I dunno. Did anything good come out of the '90's?
BW: Not that I can recall, but-
MM: Neither could I. Other than Point Break.
BW: -BUT-
MM: But nothing. I know where you're going with this. Training's over. I haven't had a beer in... four days. Let's talk about the Marathon.
BW: You mentioned in your blog this past week that you're running against yourself this week. Can you explain that statement?
MM: I can.
(silence)
BW: (Becoming frustrated) Let me rephrase. Please explain that statement.
MM: OK. Let's just say that I have a history of sabotaging myself and trying to make up the difference between readiness and accomplishment in days, hours, or minutes prior to an event. This is evident in my daily life- I'm never early for anything. I instead am always counting on the best-case scenario, expecting the trains to arrive just as I do, expecting traffic to be light, relying upon an alarm clock to wake me up when I've been out until 4am the night before... Being as self-aware as I am, I realize the biggest obstacle between me and the finish line isn't the distance.
BW: So what is the biggest obstacle?
MM: My own laziness. And that saboteur alter-ego.
BW: And what makes you think that this event will be any different than, say, freshman year Calculus at Princeton?
MM: I'm ready this time. I know what it's going to require of me. And I'm willing to give it. In fact, I'm excited to.
BW: Excited?
MM: Absolutely. I can't wait to meet the throngs of adoring fans, press, and race groupies at my afterparty.
BW: Groupies? You seem to have delusions of grandeur, Tooskie. You're not a rock star.
MM: Oh, I'm not now, am I? Y'know, Barbara, I can see why they shoot you in soft focus on TV. Your skin looks like it's made out of distressed leather. You're not a cyborg, are you? Tell me the truth: how much of you is metal?
BW: I believe this interview is over.
MM: I believe it is.
BW: Good luck on the run.
MM: Don't need it.
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